How I'm going to get there:

Alright. Based on my post from last night (during my time at Casa Sonata), I'm seeking out how to get back to the woman I'm called to be. I feel a bit strange doing this in front of the cyber world- but I need to be held acccountable... I've wished a number of times over the last 6 months that I could struggle through these issues face to face with my colorado springs friends- but I'm seeing now that God had to pluck me out of that comfortable place in order for me to deal with things that had settled and taken root that were not of Him; first of which was complacency.

I realized after a chat with a friend yesterday afternoon that I'm sounding like a broken record! I keep rehashing the same 'boo hoo' tales that need to be set aside and forgotten. I've learned over these last 6 months how empty and directionless I can find myself by turning  inward for help/answers... yes, God's spirit is in me, and there were some nuggets to be found that kept me alive- but it's a little bit like 'feasting' on those stale cheerios that I find tucked in the couch cushions instead of getting a fresh meal that not only nourishes but is satisfying (but that requires WORK!).

2 Peter 1: 3-10
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Listening to a message "The Holy Spirit's Power and our effort" by Francis Chan.

I find that I've been praying for an easy way out, not for a closer walk with the Lord, not for stronger character, not for steadfastness in Him. In all my heartfelt, tear-filled prayers for my son's healing (among other things)- I'm essentially searching for an easy way out for him and for our family. Instead of praying that God would use this diffuculty to mold us all into who He wants us to be and for us to be better witnesses to His faithfulness through living life with an incurable disease.