Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Eagerly watch...

In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch. Psalm 5:3

I read this yesterday morning and it struck a chord with me. In the mornings I've been waking so hungry to see what God will do with my life, my kids, my circumstances; mostly because I feel pinned down in most of those situations, unable to provide radical change by my own doing/by my own hand. I read this verse and was so moved by the image of 'eagerly watching' for what the Lord will do in response to our prayers. What images come to mind when you think of 'eagerly watching?' I think of hunters sitting in stillness and silence waiting on prey. I think of checking the mailbox when you're expecting a letter. I think of that look on my kids' faces when they're watching an enthralling cartoon (imagine the zoned out zombie... you could drop a frying pan in the kitchen and they wouldn't flinch...).

In all of those images in my head, a few words come to mind: perseverance, hunger, determination, and excitement. I started to wonder about how those four words are playing out in my prayer life and in my pursuit of God as I 'eagerly watch.'

Our adoption process is officially 'moving' again, and we're back in line- but after reading a program update today, it looks like the whole program (on the India side) is stalled for an undetermined amount of time. So, I stared at the Christmas tree earlier tonight, wondering if we'd be sitting in the same spot next Christmas, pining over our little girl, OR if we'd be holding her in our arms so she doesn't pull all the ornaments off the tree? I don't know- but I do know that I can eagerly watch for the Lord to move- and I KNOW that He'll move, so why don't I just watch with expectancy and joy!?

When I got out our Christmas stuff this weekend, I pulled out this 'little people' brown skinned girl with a ponytail that came in a stocking that I had bought on sale last year and tucked away. I had envisioned that it would be a play toy this Christmas for my little brown skinned beauty, but instead, I hung it up on her stocking hook and laughed a little at the image of the word PEACE so prominently displayed on the mantle that's been empty of her real stocking for two Christmases already! :)

My cynical/joking side thinks that things are going to start proceeding pretty quickly with the adoption, because we relaxed with our finances this fall, and had some medical/car bills that dented our adoption savings! I reasoned that when our resources are dwindling, that God has a plan and that things are going to go forward with HIS provision instead. I'm not sure that's a healthy response to seeing my savings account dip, but it's fun to think that because it's draining God is on the move bringing our little girl! :) Hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving! Happy Christ Mass preparation to you all! ;)


Peter and Nancy said...

I really love and admire your attitude of expectation. It's hard to receive that kind of open-ended news, and it reveals (for me) how much I live with a timeline mentality. I'm grateful for such good company as we wait.

Sohailah said...

Great post. Thanks for the question about eagerly watching. I need that, right now.

Here's hoping she comes and comes quickly!

Much love to you!