Grateful.

OK- so I am thinking of a song I learned on my first trip to India, and I realized that particular trip was 10 years ago!

The chorus of the song is "I am, I am so Grateful."

I have been singing this in my head all evening- even though my day started out much differently.

I was ANGRY!!!

I was angry at God for allowing this disease into our lives. I was angry that he would give the disease to my 4 year old son, and not to me instead... I was angry that although I've attempted a number of times to get involved or get to know others with Type 1 Diabetes in this community, every effort has ended in frustration. I was angry that everyone is not as detail minded as I am. I was angry that I was ANGRY!

So I cried. A lot. And now I'm not angry any more. I'm still sad- but at least I'm not mad, right?

So, I do believe that since the word says that we don't think about God unless the Holy Spirit prompts us to do so-- that it means that the Holy Spirit is active in me tonight. For me to go from Angry this morning, to Grateful this evening, is really nothing short of a miracle.

I choose gratefulness, Jesus. I choose to recognize all that you have done and all that you will do in my life- and in the lives of my family members. I'm grateful in advance for the healing you will bring my precious son. I'm grateful for how you're going to deliver us from a place of dependence on insulin- to a place of only dependence upon You.

And- I'm grateful that you're providing a job, and a future for Dorothy and her family. I'm grateful Lord that you're healing Dana's dad, as I type this. I'm grateful that you're taking my friend Aimee through an incredible mothering journey right now- and teaching her more about love than she ever knew before. I'm grateful that you're causing a bond to form between Comfort and Caleb that will never be broken. I'm grateful that you're stirring up a hunger within Shannon, to feast upon your word- and find joy in it. I'm grateful that you've shown Katie how to love Scott, through her own discomfort and loneliness. I'm grateful that you have a bosom friend out there for Britta- but that most of all, you're her BEST friend. I'm grateful that you're healing John and Sabrina's bodies- and making the rough places smooth... and that you're taking care of Sabrina's mom when Sabrina can't be there with her. I'm grateful that you have a little girl out there, who might not even be conceived yet- who is going to be mine someday- and that YOU will teach me and lead me into the adoption at just the perfect time- so that she's ready when we're ready.

I choose gratefulness God. I choose You.
Thanks for choosing me.

Here are the lyrics (I think) of the song I learned on the mission trip to Calcutta:

Eternally Grateful- Kenny Carter

I am eternally grateful to you Jesus
For your love, for your love
Eternally grateful to you Jesus
For the giving of your blood
I am eternally grateful to you Jesus
For the coming of the Dove

Chorus:
I am, I am, I am so grateful Oh---
I am, I am, I am so grateful

You are the Fountain of Life Eternal
Saying, thirsty one, drink your fill
The Fountain of Life Eternal
Saying, weary one, peace be still
You are the Fountain of Life Eternal
Flowing from Calvary's hill

You are exalted as King forever
And I find myself praising your name
Exalted as King forever
And I watch for Your coming again
You are exalted as King forever
And forevermore You shall reign

You are, You are, You are Messiah Oh--
You are, You are, You are Messiah Oh--
I am, I am, I am so grateful Oh---
I am, I am, I am so grateful